Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
someone owes me an orgasm
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
