my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
