I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
