If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We had to coat check the pizza.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
