he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
