remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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