Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
