What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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