The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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