Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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