The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i drank out of a bidet.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is an emotional support booty call
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
