Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize