sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
