Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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