Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
