capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
