Need sex. Gaining weight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize