i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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