Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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