just tell him i said nine months
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
