I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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