i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize