well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
