Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize