accomplished twins. life is a go
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
