I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
