If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
