totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My ass is underappreciated
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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