You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
