Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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