alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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