3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
