i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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