Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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