Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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