I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
