Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
