non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
