First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
don't judge my taste in strippers
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
