apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
