I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
