Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I want is dick and wine.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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