I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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