A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
