DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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