Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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