even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
