You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
