I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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