I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
