This girl is more easily done than said...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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