It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
