We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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