We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
