I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
