Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
