he wants to bone in the snuggie
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
