I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
