so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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