the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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