im having a threesome with these popsicles
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
