Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
