I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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