Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
