sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
