My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
