He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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