it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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