just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize