Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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