Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
