i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
