I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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