found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
