i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
