Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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