please come you make the beer taste better
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize