Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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