There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
