dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
