After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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