The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
