my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
