Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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